these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
