He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize