I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
