and my herpes radar will keep us safe
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
