Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
