R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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