Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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