And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Damn victory sex feels great
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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