Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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