My first STD was from a foam party
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
