dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
