Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I need to stop coming to work sober
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
