How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
