it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
