I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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