Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
