it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
