Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
