Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
