Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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