Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
