The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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