I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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