why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
