Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
There's even glitter on my cock...
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