I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
