The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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