remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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