i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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