she was so not down for the gang bang
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
