why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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