Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
