i permit you to call me
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
