There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
