Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
