I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
