Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
