Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
