Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
