You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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