I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
