my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize