I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
