A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
