Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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