you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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