I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
They are going to name an STD after you.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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