dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
