All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
