I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
