I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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