after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize