craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize