How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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