They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
