Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
