The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
