She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We have started to decorate penises.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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