glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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