wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
