May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
