I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
