WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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