I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize