u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
