He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
