when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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